This meant soooooo much to ...US at the time. I was a Sophomore at Morehouse. By that time, my vocal chops had been proven to my brothers and now our respective ISMs were beginning to find the light. However, we were all being schooled on Spirirtuals in the Morehouse College Glee Club. So, here are the 2 ULTIMATE BLACK OPERA DIVAS of the TIME ...performing everything Dr. Morrow was trying to expose us to....INCREDIBLE. Also, by this time I'd had the pleasure of singing under the baton of Robert Shaw with the ASO, so I was easily able to vibe the choir behind these 2, imagining where and what I'd be doing back there.
I also had a thing for Kathleen Battle. While this was my first REAL exposure to the full breadth of her performing, I'd heard some recordings and found her Lyric...BELL to be PERFECTION. From the first listen to...I was intrigued. She, like Whitney, had this effortless Belll in her voice. Angels...Springtime...Birds...Flowers...Beauty.
This is supposed to be my truth, yet there are some things hidden...even from here.
I believe that is my issue. I do not...I HAVE not been me...TRULY here. By ME, I mean the musical ME!
I have not taken the LEAP onto the stage here...in NYC. I have skirted around it. I have done my fair share of concert choirs and backing situations, although with the assumed purpose of building towards solo gains.
[The thing is...I need that Backing BONE...something to plug into...support. I have supported others, but have always been afraid I would NOT be supported if I truly showed myself to masses.
That statement flies in the face of everything I embodied before Paris. Again, since returning...older, wiser, more frightened...I am not so certain.]
You get what you give...and I have slowly backed-away from giving confused about the results. This includes performing. I need to dive right in, but with my faculties. I know that we are just supposed to roll with it...and I applaud those who can and do. I prefer to know...the foundation. Have a certainty from which to exact my voice. The recent forays to the stage have been met with mixed results - positive responses from the musicians...most of them; Deafening Quiet, Giggles and Averted Glances from the Audience. Step Back.
I want hone my craft, not sit on it. Oddly enough, just like with everything else, I am just now deciding to do this at 43.
I need performance experience, but am either too lazy or too scared to make it happen. Countless musicians...I have encountered. Nothing has come of it.
I am beginning to doubt myself. What I have purported and with regard to where I am in Life. Am I a Singer.