Monday, September 12, 2016

Friday, September 02, 2016

UnBreakble Kimmy SchMidt

giving me life...
mirroring my own.


walk away...into something better.


Saturday, August 13, 2016

Where did MY LiBiDo for LIFE GO

I have noticed over the past couple of days that my sexual focus has shifted.  No longer satiated by the notion of a transient encounter, I am left to ponder...WHAT NOW?  I am once again too old to revert back to something I used to do and not quiet established enough to be settling down.

I am at an impasse.

PATIENCE...and SHEA BUTTER.

PEACE

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

I thought this SHIT was over

I woke to a purple/brown-ish patch under my eye...in the soft still-high-swollen tissue under my eye.  Ironically enough, I was trying on a pair of sunglasses Carlton let me hold and I noticed what I thought to be smudge or mark on the glasses.  However, when I removed them for further inspection...nothing!  Took out my phone and clicked on the camera app...when that screen came UP my body went COLD!  WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!?!?

I have to contact my physician...if I still have one.  I have to go get this checked out and get it taken care of.  IT will not be ignored.  I have been waiting around NYC for something...IS THIS IT!?

I do not know.  I do know I am tired of living in sickness.  I have been living in sickness since...18.  28years...28 YEARS.  The thought of DEATH has been present and off to the left of my brain, but it has BEEN THERE.  I have imagined just how ugly, awful, painful...or not; messy, sad, and pathetic my dying would be.  Living In-Sickness has certainly informed my reticence for performing, "What if someone notices?!" 
 I recently read that the actor taking over the lead in HAMILTON [hot play of the moment] is HIV positive and out about it.  I LOVED hearing that.  Just as I LOVED hearing about Frank Ocean.  2 things I was ASSURED would never be allowed - a positive Leading Man in Pop Culture and an OUT, Partnered Black Male Pop Star.  I  have really got to check who I am listening to.

I wonder what is wrong now?  I have been checking my skin and eyes for any discolorations, rash, or Something...Nothing!!! I have continued on my regular routine...and biding my time until I get out of here.

I have been writing in cycles...for the past 6 years.  I was the same way until I went on tour.  I had something new to write about then...new discoveries and spaces to be explored.  However, being in NYC...will drive you mad...if you let it.  I have gotten what I need...many times over from this space, but now feel as though I do not know where to go.  But I know this already.

Sleep On iT...and get to work.

PEACE

BeNU