NOW...you knew Better

No one ever likes to hear that. 

Those were the words that kept reverberating through my head this evening as my Brother-from-Anotha' KING, regaled me with the tales of his last OLD Lover...and the Phone Apps.  As he pulled futher on the newly wrapped blunt, the whole sordid tale of their past year flowed out.  If you think I can't hold water, Anton is POROUS!!! LoL

That said,  with every detail, it was clear to me that my initial reservations about Levi's age were warranted...just not in the way I expected.  I am certain, as I heard in his resolve this morning...as Levi whimpered and begged in the background for "his things"...was resolve.  At some point YOU DO GET TIRED of being unappreciated and taken advantage of ...MisUnderstood and often Mistreated because of that.

Anton...KING, has the kind of heart that is open because he knows how to LOVE, just may not be the strongest judge of character, which is where he...we can get caught.  It is safe to say that the time has come to an end...for games. Basically, King is caught-up in some classic FAG SHIT...ATL FAG SHIT to boot!  He needs to get out of there...move on.  I am pushing for the West Coast and am confident that his energy will be better served with a bit more room to breath.

That said, we are both experience situations that...slap us with the reality of living as we do now.  Rather...keep on growing and knowing, because we do...KNOW!

Time to take it down, but TIME IS NOW.  That is clear.  From every indication we are set to Thelma and Louse it across country...with every intention to set-up home on the Left Coast in the coming year.

Bonne Chance mon Frere.  I am now clearing the crazy for crystallizing my plan.

Wow...THIS is Happening - Growth, shedding, evolution, Our respect truths and realities unearthing themselves to us.  Funny thing we realized, while KING was telling me about his Dreams/Visions - We knew all along, at least we could have...had we just paid attention.

B-R-E-A-T-H-E

I have to do JUST that so many times...as of late...determined to find the beauty in these twists and turns.  As for KING.  He is resiliant and shall persevere.  Like him, LIFE is calling on me to be REAL about my REALITY.

I am listening. 

 I AM READY.

and so is he.

Merci Beaucoup

Je vais Fatigue

I am waaaaay too tired to be as introspective as I desire, however I would be remiss if I didn't record the...feeling of the day - EASE.

It is my first Sunday, after a FULL week - complete with international friends' Fashion presentations, dinners out with self and buddies, as well as new-roomie adjustment stuff!!!
All in all...I am spent.  Never mind the cold, drip showers, the insomnia and anxiety around every day that I am working in an office again.  I am at a loss for just where I stand on the idea of "Making This...IT Happen," while intriguing...that is a part of my past.  I could not simply assist, but feel certain that the only suitable position of for me would some sort of editor-at-large.

Too Tired to TRULY think about that!!!

What I can say is...I have got to find a way to get some rest while I'm here...finish my work and move on.

 Bonne Nuit.

En Plus Demain Soir...D'accord!?!

CRISP in

Casely-Hayford

[http://www.casely-hayford.com/]

Re DRESSING

 Day to Evening 

BOATENG

[ http://www.ozwaldboateng.co.uk/]

A Man-CHILD ain't Safe in a City FULL of Men's!!!

Ah yes the kids are bopping  along...dancing down and up...up and down the street...in heat...to the tune of an almost ANNUAL outbreak of some NEW strain of some OLD Condition/DISEASE, each MORE DEADLY than the last.

According to my physician there is a new strain of Meningitis going around the Gay/SGL Community...spread via hookups borne from on-line sex sites and/or the current wave of phone (iPhone/Android) apps availability for hook-ups.  He sat, sad-faced and red...running down a laundry list of "source-sites" - Adam 4 Adam, Manhunt, BBRT, GayRomeo to GRINDR and the like...JACK'd...;-).  Needless to say my smile only broadened as his list lengthened.  Just this morning I sat trying to look at a profile on one of those sites, only to find my account FREE and restricted....on some things.  Just this morning I sat looking at this screen thinking how much time I'd wasted on it...supposedly preparing my next steps.

The TIME IS NOW and I continue to try to wrap my mind around the messages being placed in my path as I excavated each twist and turn...or I can act on them.  I am astounded at the clarity with which the messages now come.  There is a very clear message being communicated.   In this case, this clarity brings about analysis and resolution.  The resolution has very much to do with just how I will be ...just what my BODY will be doing and just how I want to be portrayed going into the and through the circumstance.

One never knows just who he is going to encounter...and how!!!  I continue 2 marvel at the progression that I am able to make...despite not being able...to be the OLD ME.  It is cool.  SCARED STRAIGHT has a completely new meaning.  lol

Ahhh...the harsh reality of living in the city.  I am celibate by choice and kept there By the Current State of Affairs...playing out within my community.

It is most certainly a scary space to be in.  GUIDE MY FEET...Please!

To the brothers...PLEASE BE CAREFUL.

A Man-CHILD ain't Safe in a City FULL of Men's!!!

I walk this city now, purely as an anthropologist - quietly observing and absorbing the goings and cummings of my designated group of study.  I feel a sizable disconnect now...in this space known as NYC.  This ALIEN Plan...BUBBLE I inhabit has gone from Place of RestnPlay...to Petri Dish.  This mix of bodies, scents, funk, attitude, angst, emotion, actions, tension, exploration, explanation and resolution finds me an active observer, where before I was an active participant.  In the interest of my own personal safety and help, INactivity works.  I do not have to fear, as long as I do NOT act.  [ This is just how a number of my friends negotiated the period I liked to call my Formative Years.  I used to laugh at that fear.  I used to mock there want for assuming that they could be "safe" and extend their sexual and social life by being wary.  If IT is going to get you THEN IT is going to GET YOU!  Until then, enjoy.]

I am not certain that determining at 41 to alter one's activity works but there is a certain part of me wants to see, feel, hear, smell, live, LOVE, Learn and SEX ...San Fran!!!  Until then, I am content to carry-on in the current state with NYC.  I am not certain that I can improve upon in this city while I am here...in terms of my community.  However, I do know that I can use those tools I have at my disposal to keep us abreast of just what is going on in and around us.

A Dream's A Dream...and I'm WISHING A STAR.

Soul II Soul...

Brother 2 Brother

...Let's get it together.  

I am afraid...for the first time EVER in NYC.  I hate that.  I hate that we have evolved into...cultivated and curated a sexual/social landscape that I can no longer be part of.  I am certain somewhere there is a wicked irony to all of this...with a bit of a Giggle for good measure.  Even I have to smirk about it.  That said, it makes for yet another way my time in NYC THIS TRIP is to be addressed, while MY NYC experience is RE-Dressed.

Reflections in the AFTERNOON SUN

Greetings...Bon Jour...Ca va
What goes on in and around my mind...tends to be reflected in the music that the shuffle tends to bring up in an around the house.

FAITH...in one of her finest.  Hmmm...PURE playlist.

I am not certain that people always believe I am the person I profess to be and to be BECOMING...better yet!  However, I come to be and I...I wonder if it isn't unsettling for some that I am.  I am equally curious just how much I should care.  LoL  I suppose...if I am in someone's house..living with...inhabiting their space...then  I suppose.  While it is cute...and gives me a giggle...my want...at the end of the day...is to show appreciation to Curtis for extending the space...and NOT offend My Boy!

That said...we gotta' get some Nag Champa...it is right downstairs at the over-priced Organic Spot...lol.

I am splayed out on the floor of the living room...about to step to the window and finish my blunt.  Harlem out the window and HUGHES on the brain.  Those twists of his brain...brought on, no doubt, because of his travels and subsequent returns to Harlem.  The inevitable comparisons to what is considered "proper" society and His own Negro Community had to be at the least curious and at the greatest AWFULly shocking.  I find myself understanding the ...seeming...indifference THOSE who have traveled treat NYC with now.  It's function is TRANSITORY...as I guess SHE is geared for...or so she is being SHAPED for at the moment.

The LOVE is still there...present, HOWEVER, this time I walk...with and not under...at the foot of..or anything of the like.  THIS TIME...despite everything to the contrary...I am doing my damndest to LIVE-IN and LOVE NYC...smartly.  I gotta' get a foothold on my finances, so I am actually making THIS work.

I am...FEEEEEELIN' something...in my giggle these days.  A warmth...a heat a strength a wanting...a yearning...I have seen the shifts...notice the angle twists playing-out in my face THESE DAYS.  Like My Hands Before-Me...My Skull reflects LIFE-AdMinistered Bumps Lumps Chunks Whittles and Whisps, an occasional Stitch or ten.

I am used to it...or at least that is what I like to believe.  I am certain that I have retained some residual something...in terms of insecurity.  However, I can't call it.  Just my voice.

I am going to get ready to bear my head to the sun.

Abientot

I believe I asked for this...to be NOW perched...in an open AIRY space...beside Morningside Park.  How in the world...did it come to this?  That the FINAL residence I am to occupy is...as I had...considered...lol...all those trips through THIS BRUSH on into Central Park for my laps this summer a Jalope'!!!ssssssss...Hmmm.

Wow...so, to FOCUS I say...BRAVO, I get it now.  I now appreciate that THIS IS A STUDIO...an EXPERIMENT...PROVE TO ME that I...CAN in NY...GIVEN THIS ENVIRONMENT.

CURTIS...my host.  Hmmm...too early to speak on that one.  Our personalities are somewhat extremes of one another.  MY BIKE BROTHER from the SUMMER, has turned into somewhat of an ANGE'...extending his space to me in a time of need...as I was to save money.  TRUE.  I have my weed, will get my food...and Metro Card this week...and cook.
[Lunches are killing me.  I am eating like...a ravenous...mal-nourished teen...eating everything I can swipe for...not to mention the free candy and treats Jackie...the beauty assistant receives from prospective featured MUST-HAVES!!! ;-)]
I have learned to live...LIVE like this.  And quite honestly...this feels...oddly...right...or something.  Not surprising...as if we are BOTH going to...ARE Benefiting from this arrangement.

So...we shall see.

It is FALL in NYC.

CENTRAL PARK

 Winter is upon us.

I have to either GET my clothes...[journal break]...

It is a time of nesting...I time to stay warm...get solid...bulk-up...allow for those muscle to thicken...same as the skin...to all that is swirling about out there.

I knew that I needed to fly low here.  I had the right idea all along - this TRIP was not...could not be about being OUT THERE...I'd done that already...to WHATEVER degree that was going to happen.  No, this trip was about the GRUNT.  YEAH, I did it to GET to PARIS, but had I EVER really done it to BE in Par...OOOPLALALA!!!..NYC!?! LoL  NO...and NOW, I have.  Especially as it pertains to fields I am actually interested in.  What I am NOT interested in is the OTHER that comes with trying to be APART of an organ...lol...the zation...cums later!!! ;-0

That said, I've learned with each step...just how I need to get out of here.  New York that is.  However, just like with everything else...it is a PROCESS.  I came back from PARIS PREPARED to ENDURE.  READY...if YOU will!!!  So, I am curious just how all of this will Play out.

I want my bike...got my WISDOM...get my vitals...doctor...address change...and voila...LIVE!!!

I am ...Not certain...why I play love songs at night...despite the location...however, I am really happy that I am...able.  It has been a minute since...

WELL...wait and see.  Be OPENed for the BEST, KNOWing  to EXPECT anything.

I am up at the CREST of NIGHT...shacked-up with another BURGEONING artist-FRIEND...1-Bedroom...Spacious Hardwood Floor...Sparsely, yet Artfully informed apt....looking out into the HARLEM night, once again...THIS TIME...the prespective...perspective has SHIFTED.
[This perspective reminds me of the rooftops of Paris...those that would look like an old grey and rust patchwork quilt across the landscape of my view by day...and a whispy Light Bright of window panes and illuminaires...tout le hue...on up and capping as the Tour Eiffel is spotted.]
It is coloured by an appreciation for LIFE LOVE SACRIFICE.

Yet Again

I am Opened

Yet again...

this evening

...2-ice.  

I can't quite comprehend what is swirling about...but IT IS swirling about.

The looooong, Loving conversation of Brother Lamar.  
MERCI BEACOUP...
Affirmations arrive a
t...just when they are supposed to.

I need to believe that...
know it.
Recognize it
...and vibe.


LIVE.

Be Smart...
Grow YOUR HeART.

Go Slow...and
 Make LIFE HAPPEN.

And then there is THIS gem:

Hmmm...

Merci Beaucoup

Bonne Nuit

So every once in a while I encounter a video on YOUTUBE or a movie that truly speaks to where I am...what I am about...what is going on inside my head...or what I aspire to.

l found just such a vision...here

Just this evening I determined MADAGASCAR 3 to be my night time flick du jour.

And...WOW...Hmmm...

Enjoy

...and that is JUST 

a PIECE of the PIE

...FULL-BODIED AND FUN.  

[Come to think of it, 

I have

 NEVER BEEN DISAPPOINTED 

by any 

of that SERIES of movies.]

Bonne Nuit.