I have never wanted to visit New York. I was always determined to LIVE here on my own terms. However, I now find it incongruous with who I am...if only financially. The thing I find most troubling, however, is the notion of being FETISHIZED. I have stepped back into a wonderland of...misconceptions.
My father has constantly ridden me about seemingly living-out the fantasies of others at the expense of my own self. The way some of these folks have been performing/acting...I would say that he wasn't the only one who believed that. What they failed to realize was...THAT is how I LEARNED. It is the only way that I could. Not fleshing-out others desires, but gaining the personal footing through each experience to dare to actualize my own.
I worked for...found myself in the company of/lived with people...tried, in my own scattered way, to engage those who could demonstrate just HOW TO DO IT!!!
Apparently, it is time for PAYBACK [re. Show and Prove]. Here is the thing- these folks are my family...brothers & sisters. I worked, loved, lived, learned, have grown with these folks. However, while my motives may have been boldly printed on my sleeve...They must have gotten this confused...me wrong.
I feel like I have been clear, however [Hmmm...]
I no longer fit or I REALLY have to
Learn to FIT.
[Shea...Bonne Nuit]
Some folks are acting from LOVE
Growing from LOVE
While OtheRs are
BurNt-Out,
Others Bugged Out,
& Others Just BitTeR.
I do not find myself
FLYING EASY
anymore.
It is a Chore that I do not H...
No Longer
Have the Energy [for]...
...to Piece these Pieces
Back Together.
Keep On
