According to my physician there is a new strain of Meningitis going around the Gay/SGL Community...spread via hookups borne from on-line sex sites and/or the current wave of phone (iPhone/Android) apps availability for hook-ups. He sat, sad-faced and red...running down a laundry list of "source-sites" - Adam 4 Adam, Manhunt, BBRT, GayRomeo to GRINDR and the like...JACK'd...;-). Needless to say my smile only broadened as his list lengthened. Just this morning I sat trying to look at a profile on one of those sites, only to find my account FREE and restricted....on some things. Just this morning I sat looking at this screen thinking how much time I'd wasted on it...supposedly preparing my next steps.
The TIME IS NOW and I continue to try to wrap my mind around the messages being placed in my path as I excavated each twist and turn...or I can act on them. I am astounded at the clarity with which the messages now come. There is a very clear message being communicated. In this case, this clarity brings about analysis and resolution. The resolution has very much to do with just how I will be ...just what my BODY will be doing and just how I want to be portrayed going into the and through the circumstance.
One never knows just who he is going to encounter...and how!!! I continue 2 marvel at the progression that I am able to make...despite not being able...to be the OLD ME. It is cool. SCARED STRAIGHT has a completely new meaning. lol
Ahhh...the harsh reality of living in the city. I am celibate by choice and kept there By the Current State of Affairs...playing out within my community.
It is most certainly a scary space to be in. GUIDE MY FEET...Please!
To the brothers...PLEASE BE CAREFUL.
A Man-CHILD ain't Safe in a City FULL of Men's!!!
I walk this city now, purely as an anthropologist - quietly observing and absorbing the goings and cummings of my designated group of study. I feel a sizable disconnect now...in this space known as NYC. This ALIEN Plan...BUBBLE I inhabit has gone from Place of RestnPlay...to Petri Dish. This mix of bodies, scents, funk, attitude, angst, emotion, actions, tension, exploration, explanation and resolution finds me an active observer, where before I was an active participant. In the interest of my own personal safety and help, INactivity works. I do not have to fear, as long as I do NOT act. [ This is just how a number of my friends negotiated the period I liked to call my Formative Years. I used to laugh at that fear. I used to mock there want for assuming that they could be "safe" and extend their sexual and social life by being wary. If IT is going to get you THEN IT is going to GET YOU! Until then, enjoy.]
I am not certain that determining at 41 to alter one's activity works but there is a certain part of me wants to see, feel, hear, smell, live, LOVE, Learn and SEX ...San Fran!!! Until then, I am content to carry-on in the current state with NYC. I am not certain that I can improve upon in this city while I am here...in terms of my community. However, I do know that I can use those tools I have at my disposal to keep us abreast of just what is going on in and around us.
A Dream's A Dream...and I'm WISHING A STAR.
Soul II Soul...
Brother 2 Brother
...Let's get it together.
I am afraid...for the first time EVER in NYC. I hate that. I hate that we have evolved into...cultivated and curated a sexual/social landscape that I can no longer be part of. I am certain somewhere there is a wicked irony to all of this...with a bit of a Giggle for good measure. Even I have to smirk about it. That said, it makes for yet another way my time in NYC THIS TRIP is to be addressed, while MY NYC experience is RE-Dressed.
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