In a HAZE

While it is on my mind...

This year I...

- kicked a WICKED HABIT
- Lived with a DRUG ADDICT and SURVIVED...
- Discovered NEW RESPITES...in the THROWS of FIND OTHERs NOW CLOSED
- I FOUND CRAZY comes in the most OVERTLY SubverSIVE MANiFESTations
- Found ARTS and PoLITICS CRAZY are not exclusive to one another.
- I REALIZED that BEAUTY is NOT SKIN DEEP.

I am certain that the physical triumphs...the 30+ lbs of muscle, now meshing with the ESSENCE chunks are comendable...the impression they have made on my wardrobe has been telling.  I have succeed in fleshing-out 200 push-ups a day...for 98% of this year.



NEwFOUND friends come FAST and LOVELY...TRIBESwoman, if you will

OLD Friends have shown all SORTS of COLORS.

NOTHING STAYs THE SAME!!

I vowed that the only way I could see myself in NYC again...is if I was working in the arts.  Well, that happened...consistently.  Starting at the Schomburg, followed by stuff with Roger, editing BRAD's play and then working with Darlene and now ESSENCE.  I went the fashion shows, parties, dinners, and opening...galleries...had a reminder of the NYC angst I LOVE to HATE!!!  Now...all of this has not come without sacrifice.  I am truly ...impressed ...in awe of what focus has done for me.

Last year...this time [more like my father every day]...I was hoping to be rid of Nicholas and smoking my senses numb to his encroaching crazy.  Then came...sleeping on Lem's floor...and just before up in a room with ALBERT.  [That being the longest stay, much like Paris...it afforded the full gamut of personality...mine and his...so much so, I needed to get out.]  Syd's spot next...where I realized...while on ANOTHER blow-up mattress...THIS Gypsy-thing...running from, but to self...was wearing me out.  This preceeded me coming face to face with a Man-carnation of what NYC-Me mighta been...and lost.

I am not interested in running from anything, nor do I long to be among people who can only see that as what my moves are.  I am just catching my stride.  I have shifted...changed.  I know that.  I could have only imagined the knowledge these shifts has wrought.  I can only imagine just what else has truly been ill-fitting besides my 1,000 mile boots.

I am interested in harnessing that strength...that LOVE I felt myself finally able to cultivate in Paris.  It had nothing to do with Paris, so much as it had to do with me.

I can see and feel a new self..LIFE for me...that has me fully beholden to my past, while...giving LIGHT to the FUTURE.  Music...yes, but...moreso BEAUTY!

On Beauty...NEXT onto ME!!!