Hmmm...
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Note to Self...Duex
I have always played at life, opting out of commitment because of some ever-present uncertainty.
I have been HOLDING MY BREATHE for 42 years...going on 43. I have always of living as an artist in NYC. Now, I have the opportunity and I am flubbing it.
Save...get acoustic...and compose.
Let it flow.
Sing
Perform.
IT IS POSSIBLE.
This DREAM cum REALITY has existed for FAR TOO LONG...
Now is the time...
I have been HOLDING MY BREATHE for 42 years...going on 43. I have always of living as an artist in NYC. Now, I have the opportunity and I am flubbing it.
Save...get acoustic...and compose.
Let it flow.
Sing
Perform.
IT IS POSSIBLE.
This DREAM cum REALITY has existed for FAR TOO LONG...Now is the time...
Hmmm...
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Friday, June 14, 2013
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Aural Swirl...CLIPPED!!!
Hmmm...
[Morehouse College Glee Club, featuring John Alston '09,soloist,at Abyssian Baptist Church in New York City on its Annual Spring Tour 3.16.09]
Thursday, June 06, 2013
Love Complet...
Seeing him was SOBERING in a way I can't quite comprehend...yet. I constantly look at my face these days...to try and determine what is garnering such attention? Why the stares? the photos?? the giggles, grunts, glares, groans, and gasps at times??? Sure, some...if not most, would appear to be adulation or appreciation, but I, for the most part...regardless of the intent, just end up feeling like I LOOK CRAZY! Seeing him made me WONDER MORE.
My mouth is different. I know that because I thought the left side of my mouth wasn't moving enough, so I was "working" that side more...when, in fact, the right side of my mouth is hardly moving at all. It is crazy...but it is the right-side...the creative, that I truly need to be concerned with. HE hasn't moved AT ALL in almost 2years. I didn't know it would take this long to heal...and I am certainly HAPPY with having achieved an UNDETECTABLE status, but NOW WHAT!? Seeing him makes me ASK.
My complexion began to change in Paris...as I got sicker and thinner, I got darker to. Here, in Brooklyn...under the Blazing NYC Summer Sun, I am now a Ritz Cracker Golden...Brown, almost. The reaction is telling...funny...and sometimes troubling, sad even. I say it is from my "vitamins," but I seeing HIM made me WORRY.
I am not making enough to eat as I'd grown accustomed to while staying at Chez Bolden-Long. It is telling, not surprising...even unexpected that they would think I did something OTHER that smoke, work, push-up and eat at their place. The way SHE is acting, you think she'd found RUBBERS! And we know THAT isn't Happening!!! I am CELIBATE...THANK YOU! Seeing him made me THANKFUL.
[He had been texting-me to come join him and "some friends" at "parties" recently. I was busy.]
Change requires TRUTH and perhaps it is MEANT to HURT sometimes. I feel as though NYC is taking back...or attempt to retract all that I have "EARNED" while matriculating through HER...in my FORMATIVE years. The TESTs, then the MARKERS only serve to EMBOLDEN MY SPIRIT to continue through this THICKET, knowing LIGHT lies SOMEWHERE AHEAD. Seeing him Emboldened Me.
His speech is slurred, his tongue slapping haphazardly around his mouth. I saw a sore on the tip the last time we got together. Over Magnolia's "finest"...I caught a glimpse of this pink, round clearing on an otherwise pinkish-brown, prickly thickness...set right behind the "pearly whites." The sore seemed to call out...seemed emblazoned upon his tongue, highlighted in that second like the one color accent in an otherwise black and white movie clip...think ART HOUSE...maybe Fellini. Seeing that gave me PAUSE.
He is out here near me now. Are they moving us ALL out here?
I am truly an alien out here. No sex, just WISDOM, food, music and UPTOWN Art...dressing like a mix of Monk-Hippie-Artist-Singer-Dad-Rugby Player...;-)
I am not certain, but I believe I know the story to tell. I need to know that I can see this through. Why is it sooo hard for me to sit...focus...and truly flesh-out this story/my art? Where is THIS that I claim to HAVE? Did I leave my SOUL in Paris too!? Seeing him made me PONDER?
I hope I helped...and I can do more. Do with my words...written and composed...for more, what I have hopefully done for HIM - open a dialogue to TRUTH, RESOLUTION, HEALING...and HAPPINESS. Seeing HIM made me WISH.
I watched him sway to and fro, knowing he IS his own man. There is nothing I can do his MOMMA can't...or hasn't. The most I can do is continue to do what I have all along - JUST BE A FRIEND and make sure he knows I am here...there...aware...GOT HIS BACK! Watching HIM made me SEE THIS.
Merci Beaucoup.
My mouth is different. I know that because I thought the left side of my mouth wasn't moving enough, so I was "working" that side more...when, in fact, the right side of my mouth is hardly moving at all. It is crazy...but it is the right-side...the creative, that I truly need to be concerned with. HE hasn't moved AT ALL in almost 2years. I didn't know it would take this long to heal...and I am certainly HAPPY with having achieved an UNDETECTABLE status, but NOW WHAT!? Seeing him makes me ASK.
My complexion began to change in Paris...as I got sicker and thinner, I got darker to. Here, in Brooklyn...under the Blazing NYC Summer Sun, I am now a Ritz Cracker Golden...Brown, almost. The reaction is telling...funny...and sometimes troubling, sad even. I say it is from my "vitamins," but I seeing HIM made me WORRY.
I am not making enough to eat as I'd grown accustomed to while staying at Chez Bolden-Long. It is telling, not surprising...even unexpected that they would think I did something OTHER that smoke, work, push-up and eat at their place. The way SHE is acting, you think she'd found RUBBERS! And we know THAT isn't Happening!!! I am CELIBATE...THANK YOU! Seeing him made me THANKFUL.
[He had been texting-me to come join him and "some friends" at "parties" recently. I was busy.]
Change requires TRUTH and perhaps it is MEANT to HURT sometimes. I feel as though NYC is taking back...or attempt to retract all that I have "EARNED" while matriculating through HER...in my FORMATIVE years. The TESTs, then the MARKERS only serve to EMBOLDEN MY SPIRIT to continue through this THICKET, knowing LIGHT lies SOMEWHERE AHEAD. Seeing him Emboldened Me.
His speech is slurred, his tongue slapping haphazardly around his mouth. I saw a sore on the tip the last time we got together. Over Magnolia's "finest"...I caught a glimpse of this pink, round clearing on an otherwise pinkish-brown, prickly thickness...set right behind the "pearly whites." The sore seemed to call out...seemed emblazoned upon his tongue, highlighted in that second like the one color accent in an otherwise black and white movie clip...think ART HOUSE...maybe Fellini. Seeing that gave me PAUSE.
He is out here near me now. Are they moving us ALL out here?
I am truly an alien out here. No sex, just WISDOM, food, music and UPTOWN Art...dressing like a mix of Monk-Hippie-Artist-Singer-Dad-Rugby Player...;-)
I am not certain, but I believe I know the story to tell. I need to know that I can see this through. Why is it sooo hard for me to sit...focus...and truly flesh-out this story/my art? Where is THIS that I claim to HAVE? Did I leave my SOUL in Paris too!? Seeing him made me PONDER?
I hope I helped...and I can do more. Do with my words...written and composed...for more, what I have hopefully done for HIM - open a dialogue to TRUTH, RESOLUTION, HEALING...and HAPPINESS. Seeing HIM made me WISH.
I watched him sway to and fro, knowing he IS his own man. There is nothing I can do his MOMMA can't...or hasn't. The most I can do is continue to do what I have all along - JUST BE A FRIEND and make sure he knows I am here...there...aware...GOT HIS BACK! Watching HIM made me SEE THIS.
Hmmm...
Merci Beaucoup.
PEACE
Sunday, June 02, 2013
DiManche Deep
I plan to leave the house by 3...lol. In the hopes of getting Uptown before it rains.
I think I am too excited by the positives...so much so that I scare them away.
I believe that now is the time, but this experience is revealing to me that I may not know how to do what I want to do...that I may just need more. Or maybe it is telling me that I have had what I need all along. This truly has been my OZ, for greater or for worse. Who then, has been my WIZ? Me?
I keep changing my focus...rolling it along as the diversions here increase, yet I stay. All the while veering. Sean and Sekou are in my world to work and write and create. I see that I am muddying those waters.
Do I have something to write? Do I have something to present? I better go get on it. To the subway. Get it...;-)
Headed Uptown...scribe along the way.
I think I am too excited by the positives...so much so that I scare them away.
I believe that now is the time, but this experience is revealing to me that I may not know how to do what I want to do...that I may just need more. Or maybe it is telling me that I have had what I need all along. This truly has been my OZ, for greater or for worse. Who then, has been my WIZ? Me?
I keep changing my focus...rolling it along as the diversions here increase, yet I stay. All the while veering. Sean and Sekou are in my world to work and write and create. I see that I am muddying those waters.
Do I have something to write? Do I have something to present? I better go get on it. To the subway. Get it...;-)
Headed Uptown...scribe along the way.
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