That is The THING...

I think I have a problem...and I believe it is called PRIDE...or something.  While I am in a much more advanced NYC than when I left, I have been here...going on 2 years this fall.  I know what I DON'T want to do...anymore - FAIL.  I can't take it anymore.  The very people that I so doted-on, lifted almost to a point of reverance while basking on the Parisian shores of the River Siene...have all served to burst THAT bubble.  Some in a good way, but more often than not...in a way that at least took some getting used to.  The bonds...the skills I felt I once possessed seemed to betray me in the face of these people.  Beaten, but NOT BROKEN I have often found myself standing BAFFLED at the antics being played-out before me.  While this has certainly served to provide many a well-timed and appreciated LESSON, there is also the matter of TRUSTs irrevocably ridiculous reasons...as well as QUESTIONing of SELF the REPEATED UNCOMFORTABLE INSTANCEs CAUSED.

I have people offering there assistance...good people...Honest people...I think!  That is the thing...'cause there is always A THING!!!  That is The THING...I am now having to question EVERYBODY...moreso than I already did!!!  Do you know HOW EXHAUSTIVE that is!?!?!?  In a city like NYC...LIVING in Crown Heights...Friends ALL UPTOWN!!! LoL...I HOPE!!! See...You have to Laugh... but it is NOT FUNNY.  Thinking like this...feeling like this...Processing EVERYBODY like this...SUCKS!

I am at a crucial point in my LIFE, LOVE, CAREER, PASSION, PRAGMATIC Thinking; MUSIC, SINGING, TRAVELING, EXCAVATING, LEARNING, SHARING, HEALING, GROWING and I am ready to make what change...take whatever steps I need to.  I need HELP.  I do not want my parents help!!!  I DO NOT WANT MY PARENTs HELP.  I LOVE THEM.  THEY HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO CHILL!!!  LoL. That is Not to Say, if the WANT to I am going to STOP them, but CALLING...NO!!!  That said, I cannot do what I imagined...know can work...is worthy of LIGHT and LIFE...and at LEAST a chance REQUIRES an AMPLE and TRUSTED TEAM!  I need Help...I NEED HELP!  I cannot do this alone.  That is not to say, I don't know what I know.  I do...I WILL NOT work with anyone who doesn't respect that and/or sabotages any attempts I make to demonstrating that.  ;-)

I am surround by some very dynamic people...just being myself.  But that HONESTY...has gotten 2-ice BITTEN and I really not up for a 3-rd.  I want to meet new people...trust their intentions...and not be judging them unfairly because of the actions of those I am encountering this trip around.  I am older...a bit wiser...and a whole lot more exasperated by all of this.  I am content to be alone, as I am finding many of my peers are the same.  Indoors...quiet nights...board games to avoid the noise and crowds.  Really?  Wow?
They want to protect...their light.  Not let themselves be distracted by the masses.  OK, so I am doing the same, although with Jalope' holding steady, I am trying to go with the Sun as long as I can.

Guide my Feet while I Run THIS RACE.  I can't TAKE the CURVES alone any longer...lol...it is WEARING a Brother's Stride.  That is The THING - Faith in MY STRIDES has been TRIED by the CURVES.  I know what I have done...and what I am capable of...and because of that...what I want to do.  MY PLAN...doesn't make sense to anyone.  That is going to have to BE OK...and I have to BELIEVE that and TRUST that the people coming into my LIFE are doing so for a Reason.  I can't stop Life's Lessons...good or bad.  I must TRUST MY LOT in LIFE, as I have grown to KNOW it and begin to respond to those that availing themselves in a positive/above board/clear/ balanced manner.  These power-plays have been nothing short of comical, at some points...but a ultimately annoying and a HUGE waste of time.

So...what do I do about The THING?  The TRUST THING.  You see because of the antics of a few once trusted members of my extended circle...I am loath to take on any other help...of any kind...from a friend or extended family member.  And the people that I DO know ...who agree to work with me, I have allowed  him to further delay this process.

TRUST YOUR INTUITION...Right!?

Hmmm...HELP.  I need know where to go and with who as my support...

Got to FAITH...In My TALENTS.  I need to hear myself.

Good Morning.