Game of TRUTH

I start with my finances...then stop.

I become inspired...allowing for the juices to flow, then return to #1.

I go out...have a conversation...begin to giggle into a storming brain, then go back to #1

I sit in this space...day after day...night after night...free moments abound RIPE for creating...and NOTHING...I somehow always come back around to #1.

I look at my life...consider all of my experiences...review my life's plan and DREAMS...then, arrive back at #1.

I think about grad school...the investment...the focus...the travel...the possibilities...the potential...the necessity...the quiet...the return...then am once again tripped-up by #1.

I start to consider the experiences I have had in the past 5years...think about pooling those resources and creating something out...producing something...I think about the number of times I have attempted to curate a performance for myself these past couple years...and the failures...and then once again end up, stuck at #1!

Finances are the root of the issues.  The fact that there are no guarantees in life is no longer inspiring and fuel to my fire, but giving me pause and cause for concern.

All I can think about is the possibility of FaiLure, Not Success!!!

How do you begin anew, when expect to not be a success?

How do you...

In this admission, I have failed to accurately acknowledge just what I have been able to accomplish.  It has not been about me...other than addressing Health-Stuff.  Everything else has been about someone else.  [Doing the Same Thing, expecting different results - CRAZY!!!]

I am expecting to feel different about NYC, but I am not engaging her the way that she wants...deserves...understands in order to return the way I desire.

In order to make this happen...make this my reality...it would require focus, quiet, a plan and time.  I have had the time...and moments of focus, however both quiet and a plan have eluded me.

When I attempt to sit and write my stories, I fall asleep, knowing that somewhere...I have already written the things I am attempting to recount.

I used to write everything down.  I used to just create...because...or at least have the plan to.  Now, the REAL, PRAGMATIC living...has driven it out of me...NAH!

I just want a reason to LIVE LOVE LEARN GROW GO n SHARE again.