Today, while helping Jonathan transition to his new his NEW space on STRIVER's ROW, I came face to face with yet another stumble from my past.
I saw Kenny...and his LOVEr, who according to ERIC, once it was clear that I Was NOT going cross the street to greet him...despite his performance on the sidewalk in front of a neighbor of Jonathan's 2 stoops down...and the LOUD TALKING once I reached the street.
Despite years of history of INTERACTION between the 2 of us and more.
Today...it was a choice - Stay with THE TRANSITION or SLIDE BACK into FORM in order to maintain appearances that, if done would demonstrate I can afford to care - I can't.
Life is too short. His well-connected boyfriend was right on with that assertion.
I had just descended from Harmonizing to the Sun ON THE ROOF with Eric...then helping organized Jonathan's ScArVeS, then outside...to THAT Performance.
I am exhaus...spent from all of THOSE interactions - those that start off amazing...introspective and cool...then somehow evolve with my participation without pay, but the minute I question that...problems arise...from all sides. Mine, I own...wisdom...knowledge base
I also cannot ignore this trend...over that past 10 years.
Today...I stopped.
Merci.
PeAcE
BeNU
Thursday, May 14, 2020
Thank you for Today.
that must be said everyday...now-a-days.
uncertainty is everywhere...about everything.
This feels like a coast...the calm before the storm...
fear and confusion the norm.
They planned it that way...THEY say.
I can't say I blame them...Everything points THAT way
And They don't seem to want to hide what they are doing.
We don't want the disruption of War, but a DisRuPtIoN is Just what has come to pass.
This, the oldest troupe in every invasion / apocalyptic movie of the past 50 years - bio/chemical warfare...and WE are being made to sit and STEW while They feed whatever scraps of information they deem worthy from the plate, often just the juicy fatty bits that don't provide any real MEATS, mostly Their Conjecture!!!
what to make of it all? I am not afraid I just do not know if IT is worth iT...going forward.
For the past year I have...YEARS, I have been trying to determine what, Outside of Music is worth it. I have stopped and started and stumbled and scraped and starved and stoked, then choked so often over the past couple of years, that I found it impossible to really focus...NO, that is NOT TRUE.
I was not focused on MUSIC...SINGING, after a couple of failed performances. With each new place and space...situation I have found myself in over the past 10 years, I was focused...on THAT respective situation. MuSiC, was NOT my focus.
