This is supposed to be my truth, yet there are some things hidden...even from here. I believe that is my issue. I do not...I HAVE not been me...TRULY here. By ME, I mean the musical ME!
I have not taken the LEAP onto the stage here...in NYC. I have skirted around it. I have done my fair share of concert choirs and backing situations, although with the assumed purpose of building towards solo gains.
[The thing is...I need that Backing BONE...something to plug into...support. I have supported others, but have always been afraid I would NOT be supported if I truly showed myself to masses.
That statement flies in the face of everything I embodied before Paris. Again, since returning...older, wiser, more frightened...I am not so certain.]
You get what you give...and I have slowly backed-away from giving confused about the results. This includes performing. I need to dive right in, but with my faculties. I know that we are just supposed to roll with it...and I applaud those who can and do. I prefer to know...the foundation. Have a certainty from which to exact my voice. The recent forays to the stage have been met with mixed results - positive responses from the musicians...most of them; Deafening Quiet, Giggles and Averted Glances from the Audience. Step Back.
I want hone my craft, not sit on it. Oddly enough, just like with everything else, I am just now deciding to do this at 43.
I need performance experience, but am either too lazy or too scared to make it happen. Countless musicians...I have encountered. Nothing has come of it.
I am beginning to doubt myself. What I have purported and with regard to where I am in Life. Am I a Singer.
Does declaring it make it so?
No...Actions Determine the Man, not the Words.
BACK to LOVE.
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